My hommie Albert Einstein once said only two things are infinite, the universe and woman's stupidity (don't correct my quote smart arse)
Yeah not sure why the niggur said that, but he was a really smart dude (or so I have heard; not like I met him or anything). We all know men are jerks but when it comes to dumbness, it's women who take the cake. Look I like women (My last article made that very clear), and it saddens me because most ladies have gotten their hearts broken so many times that at this rate men might start breaking other vital organs like their liver, kidney etc. (not sure of any other vital organ, was never good at biology but I'm going to take a leap of faith and say boobs? they're vital enough to me )
…but I blame you ladies when you keep believing shit like, "he always tells me the truth" or "he is heaven sent” (I don't know when heaven has ever sent a niggur to a hoe)
So today I'm not teaching guys how to lie to ladies, Instead I'm going to teach ladies how to spot these lies.or at least one of them(I know, it beats the purpose of the first article )
the little white lies
"I dream of you"
"I dream of you"
Oh girls! how stupid art thou?! We never dream of you, ever! Maybe your hot friends, but not you! But when we do dream of you, it’s never about your smile or your voice or your hair or perfume, it’s always about other stuff, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn’t want to know the details, it’s X-rated.
" I think about you all the time"
Now this is a lie I have told to my girl many times, while trying my best not to laugh ,while also thinking about the hot chick behind her, while having long romantic conversations under starlit skies. Girl, your man has got a long list of shit to think about. Games, food, Kim Kardashian, books, Kim, gadgets, Kardashian, Clothes and Kim Kardashian…besides it’s kind of creepy thinking about you, every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Not sure you would really want that
"I have missed you so much!"
"Hey babe I didn't pick your call last night because I was playing fifa with the boys, and drunk on a funny tasting drink of which I did not know what was in, but I'm pretty sure methylated spirit was involved, but I missed you the whole time. Sure we invited strippers over but I was only thinking of you" …it works like a charm , she would believe u, even if she was there but make sure she isn’t ooh, "I missed you dear especially while I was getting a lap dance. I wanted her to stop, but the boys had already paid and I felt it would be disrespectful to waste their hard earned naira...yes...of course, love you too".
"I Trust you!"
Even when I don't give you my credit card or my pin, or even my phone password, I still trust you. What? No! I won’t even give you the spare key to my apartment, I'm using it as a key holder for my main apartment keys, sorry. This doesn't mean I don't trust you. I'm not leaving you alone in my home either.. no not even to go take a bath. I've also got a spy cam in my kitchen, it seems you spend a lot of time there but no, I totally trust you, like crazy... yes...goodbye love, bye.
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