Guides.to.profound.power.

Power, power, power. According to the oxford advanced English dictionary is "the ability to basically tell anyone to go screw himself".

'Hereinunder'[new word] are a few tips you need to obtain power.

1. Be so rich, rich people become insecure around you. Acquire so much wealth, people have to come to the conclusion you have a war house in your backyard. If you don't have this kind of money, not to worry, just have many friends spread rumors about how sickly rich you are, let them throw in tales of a few flying ships you posses.

2. Have ridiculously superfluous security. No one knows you, no one cares if you live or die, this is immaterial. Hire an agency of men in black, professionals or not. Soon people will start to wonder if you are worth killing. This is a good thing, it means you have bigger enemies than them therefore you are more powerful. Buy guard dogs and put a 'beware of dogs And tigers' sign on you gate. Make a barbed wire fence and put a disclaimer sign in case of electrocution, no one will verify, I promise.
Buy a car and make sure everyone thinks it is bullet proof with counteroffensive features.
#insert photo of stela oduwa#

3. Be a humongous ass. Do not ever give people positive incentives. Don't reward a job well done with a bonus pay. Do it this way instead; "good job Johnny, now you get to keep your pretty little head ehh"
People will fear you and no mutiny shall be thought of by any party. Never do favors unless you are depositing to withdraw at a later time.

4. Hierarchy is established by aggressiveness and size. Are you vertically challenged? No problem. Just make sure your voice covers missing spaces. Never talk gently where a good French will do no harm. Do not threaten to kick people's ass, you might not get around to doing it, hence, you look weak.
If an ass requires kicking, by all means do it right away. For in the words of Sir Benjamin Franklin: 'never leave an ass whooping for another day"

5. Make your Ex-enemies your closest friends. Never keep someone you like too close to your inner circle, they have to many reasons to screw up. They will realize this and mutiny shall ensue. Your former enemies on the other hand, will be anxious to prove their loyalty. They will go out of their way to please you. Trust me for I am a random friendly guy from the internet.

6. Your secrets are safest with you. Do not share your secrets or fears for therapeutic purposes. The top is a lonely place, climb with a lot of magazines. If you must share, let it be within your inner circle formed outta sheer fear and never trust. Each member having more to lose from the collapse of your empire. Never have a right hand man, have four or five of which at least 2 hates the others' guts. Let them be smart, cowardly, vain and fat men.

7. You find a dope ass name, one that strikes fear in the heart of those who hear it. Nothing silly like captain hook. Wear an eye patch, eye patches are mysterious and a few stories of how you lost the eye to a huge sea monster won't hurt.

8. Control something everyone needs and use it as a currency. Remind them constantly that it is safest in your hands. Give it to them only when they need it and not a second before. Anyone you cannot control, shut out of your territory and convince your people they are terrible and bad and want nothing but their down fall.
#insert photo of Kim(North k leader#caption: I have no idea how this got here.

Well, hurry up and read this before someone hacks this blog and change the language to Korean!

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Disclaimer: this writer is protected from all responsibility should anyone try the afore mentioned steps and die before stage 4. If however by some chance you succeed and take over the world, then I get a country named after me and be king of that country. Any country will do as long as it isn't in Asia and it is rich as shit!